Got no good mood today, though I chatted with friends happily and made them laugh but I still not happy. I met him today, but the feeling's gone. He didn't talk to much with me, even a smile. I could feel the cold between both him and me. I shouldn't find him as what I've posted the previous post, but I didn't make it and I very regret what I've done.
I really hate myself being so active, hate myself being so talkative, hate being so generous, hate to be so helpful and kind! I hate myself being so slutty!!!
After I've finished my last class I saw brother outside, talked to him for a while, complained about my tutor who so damn mean and thought herself so "intelligent"! Sometimes, I really admire my brother's characteristics, acts no worry, being so calm and quiet.
A natural actor which I shall call him. May be I should change my own personality, I don't want to be so kind to people, because I can't feel any feedback when I'm being so good to people. I know sometimes it's good and not wondering feedback from other when you help them. I just want some cares, let me know that I'm still in your hearts. I feel so lonely where ever I am, no messages, no friends and that make me mad. Gonna back to my own world, loneness and silence are waiting for me, can't let them wait too long.
 |
| I'm lost |
I decided what I want to be,
I want to be cold one......
Devil.
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